Life, Law, Gender

Today is the day

I am getting married today.  It was just one year ago that I was really struggling with my imminent divorce and everyone was telling me that it was just because I wasn't with the right person and when she came along, I'd know it.  Wow, were "they" right. 

Don't expect many (if any) posts from me over the next couple of weeks.  After we get married, we're headed to Key West for 6 days, then a day exploring the Everglades and then a couple of days with my family in West central Florida.

After that, I'll probably post pictures (and I may post one or two before then, if I can).

Thanks for reading, you all, and thanks for the encouragement!

Merry Christmas/Happy Chanukah/Happy Holidays

I am not Christian and I am not Jewish, but my wishes for a joyous, loving and peaceful celebration to all of you out there is no less sincere.  May the love that marked Jesus' teachings, and the joy that marks the Festival of Lights be a part of your life today and always. 

From our home to yours, with love.

[UPDATE]

Sea World

(The contents of the box. She calls me her "Florida Girl" and this is a reminder of our trip last summer to Sea World (where she says she first fell in love with me) Wow!)

New Photo Album

I just posted a new photo album of shots of the house and animals around the house.  Check it out.  But, don't let it distract you from your primary task at hand (not like it's distracted me from shopping, wrapping, or writing my last paper).

Christmas help

I used to be a sneak.  I'm cured of that.  However, I am NOT cured of the underlying curiosity that drove me to being sneaky.

When I was much younger (pre-kids) I used to be a fantastic guesser of the contents of gift packages. This drove my then-spouse (the girls' mom) crazy. She would get me something and go to great extremes to disguise it in her gift-wrapping and I'd guess. Then, one year, she stumped me.  Under the tree was a box addressed to me, but I had no idea what it was.  It was about the size of a folded shirt, but it was too heavy and it didn't feel artificially weighted.  I pinched and I poked and I prodded, but I simply could NOT figure it out.  Finally, my curiosity overtook me and I reasoned that I could simply unwrap it, take a peek, and then wrap it back and she would never be the wiser.  Cool. With one teeny tiny flaw.  I suck at wrapping.  Particularly at doing fancy bows like she had this one wrapped with.  I was unable to re-wrap it.  The really annoying thing is -- there was nothing in the box except old magazines!  I had to 'fess up.  She was so mad, she could spit fire.  I finally, through the tears of my laughter, begged forgiveness and told her I thought it was the coolest joke she had ever pulled on me because she busted me cold, just giving me a bunch of old magazines.  She looked up in surprise.  "You mean all you saw were magazines?"  Well, yes.  "Ha!" she gleefully exclaimed and resumed rewrapping the package.  On Christmas morning, when I was legitimately able to open the package I discovered, under all those old magazines, the manual to an electric snow-blower (something I dearly wanted as we lived in Colorado at the time and the shoveling was killing me).

So, fast forward to this year.  The Girl bought me a gift and it came in a BIG box.  She made me promise to go nowhere near the box, to not look at any labels that might be on the box, to not test its weight, or anything.  I gave her my word.  And, I've honored it (so far).  But, it's driving me crazy.  What could it be?  My mother guesses it's a sculpture of some sort.  Now, it's your turn to help me out.  The tree (which you may notice is otherwise barren of gifts; that will be modified today and tonight) is a bit over 7' tall, so you can see that the box (on the right of the tree) is about 5' tall.  What could possibly require such a huge box? I'm guessing it is NOT shoes.  What is your guess?

Obviously, I'm out of my funk.  I don't stay in them long. :)

It is, after all, all about me

I've been in a funk for the past few hours and I've been unable to put my finger on why.  I wondered if it was just hormonal, or weather-based, or a let down from the stress of exams.  Suddenly it hit me.

I spoke with my middle daughter earlier today (she had a car problem and needed money).  Talking with any of my kids is a source of joy for me.  I have no doubt of their love for me and I know they have no doubt of mine for them.  They have dealt with a difficult issue with amazing aplomb.  They could have taken their older sister's path and simply excluded me from their lives (as has happened to more than one of my trans-sisters and brothers).  But, they didn't. 

Whenever they are around me, they always refer to me with feminine pronouns.  Of course, I like that, I encourage that.  But, today, in a reference to a conversation she had had with her mom, she said, "I'll check with him", referring to me. 

I tried very hard to not let that affect me.  I understand that she has to live with her mother (she's 21, but she lives there to conserve money while finishing college) and that her mom has no love lost for me, and especially for my transistion.  She even called me "David" in all of her communications to me for the past dozen years since we've separated, despite knowing that I had transistioned.  I finally just asked her to stop.  Now, she doesn't call me anything (she refuses to address me as Denise).  So, I get that life is easier for Melody if she refers to her dad with masculine pronouns.  And as her dad, I do want her life to be easier.

Nevertheless, I realize that my funk is because I'm disappointed and a little hurt.  I hate that I am sometimes so shallow. 

3 down -- still 2 to go!

Three exams done -- Comparative Human Rights Law (took earlier in the semester), Jurisdiction (took last week) and Family Law (which I just took this morning).

This morning's exam was one of the more interesting ones of my law school career.  I loved it and hated it at the same time.  I loved it because it challenged my memory and brain, but without making me feel like I was clueless and just casting about hoping to find the right thing to say.  I knew what I knew and I said it.  Is it enough to earn me an A?  I doubt it -- the kids I go to school with are all so smart and skilled at this -- but I am happy with my performance.  I loved it because it went to issues that I care about (specifically abortion and the rights of same-sex partners in a civil union) and didn't deal with mundane, routine issues (which we did cover in the course and she could have gone there, but didn't).  I loved it because as I wrote the exam, I learned more and made connections that I hadn't made before.

I hated it for two reasons.  First, it was very long - too long, I think.  The first question (of two) required that we read and analyze a hypothetical statute that detailed the circumstances under which a woman would be allowed an abortion.  The statute had 6 parts to it and we were required to examine all 6 parts under 3 separate scenarios -- the law according to Roe v. Wade, 410 U.S. 113, the law according to Planned Parenthood v. Casey, 505 U.S. 833, and Constitutional law assuming that Roe and its progeny were overturned.  I had more that I thought needed to be said when I noticed that 1/2 of my 3 hours was gone and I decided to move onto the next question and return to this one if time permitted.  The second question contained the dissent from Langan v. St. Vincent's Hospital. 802 N.Y.S.2d 476. It was 6 pages, single-spaced in length.  We were to read the dissent thoroughly, then write an essay that described the reasoning, holding and implications of the dissent's views and then answer 12 specific questions about it.  That was just an awful lot of work to cram into 90 minutes.

The second reason I hated the exam had nothing to do with the exam itself, but rather a technical glitch I experienced.  My battery died at the very end of the exam! I still had 2 questions (of the 12) left to answer that I had to hand write.  What a scary thing that was.  Then, it appeared that one of my answers was erased by the power failure. Fortunately, with the assistance of all concerned, we were able to fix that problem.

Now, I just have to finish this bankruptcy final.  Thank goodness this exam is untimed.  I swear that I would have failed (and I elected this class as pass/fail) had it not been; even now, I'm not sure I can pull it off.  Never, Denise, never again take such a class.

And, finally, I have a paper due in my Anatomy of a Deal class.  It is due on the day I get back from my honeymoon (1/9).  That means, for me, that it is effectively due two  days before my wedding, or 12/27.  That gives me just 4 days, including Christmas Day to write this paper.  This is going to be a long week.  I am *so* looking forward to my honeymoon, the warmth of Key West, and the relaxation of spending 10 days with my honey with no law school thoughts or activities!  Right now, I am a wee bit stressed.  Where is my chocolate?

Kissing - A Credible Threat

I am taking an [undeserved] break from final exam taking (this take home exam is murder.  I'm discovering an interesting fact -- writing an exam is much easier if you actually paid attention to the subject matter during the term) and exam prep (final in-class exam is tomorrow morning at 8:30.  8:30 -- that's AM!) to write this post because I find it so incredible.

As if Bush using the National Security Agency to spy in the U.S. on U.S. citizens wasn't enough, it appears that the Pentagon has been spying on Don't Ask, Don't Tell demonstrations, including NYU Law's OUTlaw group.

NBC News was able to obtain only eight pages of the 400-page report, but that small portion showed that Pentagon investigators kept tabs on April protests at the University of California, Santa Cruz; State University of New York at Albany; and William Patterson College in New Jersey. A February protest at NYU was also listed, along with the law school's gay advocacy group OUTlaw, and was classified as "possibly violent."

...

The database indicates that the Pentagon has been collecting information about protesters and their vehicles, looking for what they call a "significant connection" between incidents. Of the four "don't ask, don't tell" protests listed, only one—the University of California, Santa Cruz, where students staged a "gay kissing" demonstration—is classified as a "credible" threat.

Since I'm a board member of UM Law's OUTlaws group, I'm going to have to raise the issue as to why we've never staged a gay kissing demonstration in protest of Don't Ask; Don't Tell.  Maybe then we'd get some Pentagon attention!

(Cross-posted at Outlaws' blog)

This is really ... real!

Wow.  Oh. My. God.  I tried on my wedding dress this morning.  It is so stunning.  The picture just simply does not do it justice.  I wish all of you could be here to see it!  It took literally only two minor alterations (we decided to put straps on it (won't be seen under the jacket anyway) because it was heavy enough and just big enough around the bust that ... well, let's just say it had the potential of revealing more than I might want to).  It didn't need hemming or anything.  And, the shoes I have to go with it (gold lame sandals, with 1 1/4" heel) matched perfectly, as if they were made to go with that dress. I wanted to just stand there and stare in the mirror.  Wow.

On another note, I reported earlier that the Girl's brother is coming to the wedding; he's also bringing her 21 year old nephew.  We've decided to have 6 people to a table at the reception, so it will be the Girl, me, my two daughters (19 and 21) and her brother and his son.  I thought about that for a couple of minutes and asked the girl: "So, are we going to prepare them, or are we going to just let them choke on their salad the first time one of my girls says 'Hey, Dad!'"?  She was actually startled by the question.  Startled because, like most people that know me (and me as well), she "forgot" that I was transgendered (despite the focus of this blog, my transsexuality is not constantly in the forefront of my mind).

But, it does create an interesting situation.  As I noted earlier, her brother (as well as his son) are born-again Christians.  The Girl recounted to me how her brother at one time preached to her (I think long before he had any suspicions about her being lesbian) about the evils of homosexuality.  The fact that he accepts that she is marrying another woman and is willing to attend and participate in the wedding is huge (we're renting him a tux (we thought about letting him borrow my old tux, but it's too big for him) and he's going to escort the Girl down the aisle - how cool is that?!).  He's come so far that he probably won't have a big problem with my beings trans. 

Still, it always bothers me that who I am has the potential for creating problems for people that I love.  It was one of the things that I worried about even in the beginning and I still worry about it.  I even thought that I could coach my daughters to just call me Denise, or D.  We could talk about their "birth-mother" as being someone other than me so that they wouldn't have to deal with someone calling me their mom (which people will do, regardless).  But, that seems dishonest to me; worse, it then shifts the burden to my children, which I am loath to do.  I will not ask them to do this.  As Melody once told me: "Your name to me is Daddy.  It doesn't matter to me that you're a woman, that's your name."

So, the ball is, as they say, in the Girl's court.  I have every confidence she can keep it in play (you don't hear many sports analogies from me; I deserve some accolades here -- that was a good one, I think!).

Wow, but that dress is gorgeous!

Dykes win!

Short post (I'm in the middle of my 24 hour take-home exam in Jurisdiction -- whew! how can he get so many factors into one fact scenario?).

Courtesy of Brian D. at Confessions Of An Exhausted Mind, I note that Dykes on Bikes (TM) won their trademark suit.  Sweet.

Perry Watkins Fellowship

The University of Michigan Law School, in an effort to ameliorate the effects of The Solomon Amendment upon its LGBT students last year established a fellowship ($3,500) in the name of Perry Watkins to be granted to a law student who summer interns for an organization promoting LGBT civil rights.

I applied for the fellowship, despite my concern that I would not be a likely candidate.  I thought that my age and my previous financial successes (this, despite my being arguably more needy than many of my younger peers) might preclude me from consideration. I was wrong.

I received the following email Friday morning:

Thank you for applying for the Perry Watkins Fellowship. We had a good pool of applicants and I'm pleased to tell you that we've awarded you the fellowship for the summer of 2006. You crafted a great application and the Law School is happy to support you in your summer work. Please let us know by March 15th what LGBT organization you will be working with.

I am pleased, honored and humbled to have been selected.

The text of my application is below the fold.

Her brother is coming to the wedding!

We invited the Girl's brother to the wedding -- the physician, born again Christian who came to visit last month -- and we just heard from him.  He's going to attend the wedding!  (I don't know if I reported this earlier or not, but at the end of his last stay, as he was saying good-bye to me (out of earshot of the Girl) he told me "I'm glad the two of you are together"). I am so excited about this, I can't tell you.  We have very few family coming to our wedding and that's a huge missing for us (we both wish, for example, that our parents could be there (and I, of course, also long for Jennifer)).  But, I'll have two of my daughters and now she'll have her older brother whom she adores. We're going to have them walk us down the aisle; I don't know if they know this yet.  I know how much she wanted him to attend and the fact that he is coming just makes this whole thing all the more real and all the more exciting.

And!  We got our marriage license yesterday!!!  It was *so* cool.  The lady at the City Hall was just wonderful to us and we were laughing and just having a grand time.  We have our dress fittings Wednesday morning.  We picked up our wedding bands today. Ohboyohboyohboyohboy!!!!!

Remembering - A Poem

After I spoke at the Transgender Day of Remembrance, a young man, a graduate student here at UofM, an immigrant, spoke.  English is his second language.  It didn't matter.  By the time he reached the end of this poem, I was in tears.  Thank you, Sebastian.  Thank you for your courage. (Also, read this article about Sebastian)

Remembering

I remember

and I claim

Re /member

Re-member

Let’s re-member and put back together

all the parts of this broken body,

broken bodies and souls

of my sisters of the night

all the nights spent in jail

while the system figures out

were do we belong

this jail of institutions and walls

that keeps on breaking our minds

and our sense of belonging

this belonging to a world that is shooting us in the head

and then keeps walking

while the blood of you my sister,

the blood of you my brother

is not enough to change some words in a paper

today, at this hour, at this minute.

Classes done; New Schedule

OK, well now the easy part is over.  This was both a very difficult and a very satisfying semester.  I really enjoyed two of my classes (Human Rights and Family Law) and really didn't enjoy two of them (Bankruptcy and Anatomy of a Deal), with the fifth class (Jurisdiction) in the middle.  I have a paper (Deal) and 3 exams left (took the Human Rights exam already) and then I can turn my attention full-time to my wedding and honeymoon plans.

To top off this semester, I got two emails last night from classmates thanking me for my participation in one of my classes.  Thanking me!  I told the Girl and she said "Yea, they probably just won at Bingo".  ::sigh::  She's probably right (Mom, I know this reference will be totally lost on you, so I'll explain it.  In law school, there is a concept known as "gunning" which refers to people who are always talking or always have their hand raised.  Some years ago, someone developed a game called "Gunner Bingo" where they mark squares off based on how often a particular gunner speaks during class). Anyway, it was very sweet of them to write to me and it made me feel really good about my participation in that class.

As I've done in the past, I will post my class schedule for next term as well. Here begins my 3L year:

Class	Credits	Instructor	Days	Hours
Church and State	2	Regan	M, T	11:15 - 12:10
Negotiation	3	Parson	M/Th	M: 1:00-2:25 Th:11:15-12:40
14th Amendment	3	Rosenbaum	M, T	2:35 - 5:35
Sexual Orientation and the Law	2	Cahill	F	9:05 - 11:05
Law and Politics of Identity	3	Kirkland	W	3:40 – 5:40

Obviously, I will have to be at school every day, but with only one class on each of Wed, Thur and Fri.  Mondays will be full days again (especially with that long class in 14th Amendment -- it's a short course, much like Human Rights was this semester) but overall I'm only taking 13 hours this semester, much better than last.  I'm excited about this schedule.

Religious freedom

What can I possibly say about this?  I wish there were some way to take religion out of the public sphere and put it into the personal.  How can a physician refuse to treat someone?  Because he objects to a person's sexual orientation on the basis of religion?! Dear God.  What a travesty -- of religion, of ethics, of humanity.  The link.

A three-judge panel of California's 4th District Court of Appeals on Friday unanimously ruled that two physicians have the right to argue that their religious beliefs precluded them from performing an artificial insemination treatment on an unmarried lesbian woman, the San Diego Union-Tribune reports (Moran, San Diego Union-Tribune, 12/3). Guadalupe Benitez, who sought artificial insemination to start a family with her partner of 15 years, filed a civil rights lawsuit in 2001 against her physicians and the North Coast Women's Care Medical Group after they refused to treat her.

Blogging

OK, so I'm obviously still here, despite my earlier post about slowing down or stopping.  Nevertheless, I will still likely post MUCH less than I did, um, a year ago. :)

But, I do miss blogging.  More than I miss writing in my blog (which I do miss, believe it or not) I miss reading other people's blogs.  I have this cyber friend thing going on with several bloggers out there and I feel like I'm having withdrawals by not keeping current on their blogs.  For a while, I read them all, nearly every day (hard to believe isn't it?). I even commented regularly (my mother got a kick out of looking for my comments all over the blogosphere).  Then, when things got busy, I resorted to reading through ... what's it called? ...  I don't know, some piece of software that you subscribe to and it captures all the new posts for you.  Now, I just skim my blog roll periodically -- like less than weekly -- and click on a given link to someone I miss.  But, the problem is, I can't get to all of them.  I miss Transmogriflaw; PG; Heidi and Carey (for that matter, I think all the Michigan blawgers have given up on me -- rightfully so); Ambib, Kristine, Kristine, Katherine (whose birthday I even missed, and after she even sent me a knit cap which I am finally able to enjoy!), Fool, E.Spat, RSLS, Stag, LQ, Shelley, E.McPan ... Well, I think you get the idea.  I have managed to keep somewhat up on my queer blog reading - like the fabulous Maria at Daily Dose of Queer, or the beautiful and erudite Jen at Transcending Gender, and the devastingly handsome and insightful Jay Sennett. By the way, if I didn't add you here, please (please!) don't be offended.  I miss all you, I honestly do.  I just didn't want to have to repeat my entire blogroll in this post.  OK?  We good?

Now, if that wasn't enough, I find out that people actually stumble across my blog from various places (maybe I'll post some of the search terms that people find me with sometime -- they are pretty comical) and actually like what they read.  Then, once in a while, they will link to me and I find out about it, and what do you know, I find I have another blog to add to my list.

I love blogging.  I just wish I had more time for it.  Can you get paid for being a blogging slacking law student?

[UPDATE] And then I get the following e-mail.  Thanks, AP!  You're added to the blogroll (check out this post). Now, honestly folks, how can one stop blogging when they get such positive reinforcement?

I found your blog from a fellow law student's blog (Ambivalent Imbroglio), and I read your personal statement. And WOW. You have a fascinating story, a journey that just screams strength, stamina, and most importantly sanity. I really enjoyed my visit to your blog. Thought I'd drop you a line to tell you that.

I am a law student too -- at Tulane though I had to escape to Hong Kong after Katrina. I also have a wonderful friend at U of M law school, and he loves it. Anyways, keep blogging and I'll keep reading.