Life, Law, Gender

My issue

I know that I often sound confident about my gender transition and about my life. And, for the most part, I am.  But every once in a while I am struck by the cost of it.

Somewhere over the past couple of days I've had an opportunity to either read something, or hear something on the radio, or see something on television (I don't remember the trigger, give me a break!) that made me think about how my children might view me. 

Like any parent (I imagine), I want my children to love me -- and I've no doubt that they do (including my wayward eldest).  But, I also want them to admire me and respect my life's choices and I'm not as sure of myself on that front.  When I was growing up, the gender wars manifested themselves in us youngsters as bragging that our daddies were "better" than the next person's daddy. 

I wonder sometimes what my children say to friends and acquaintances when asked about their parents.  Do they refer to me in vague terms, do they try to avoid the conversation altogether, do they use male pronouns?  Fitting in is important to most of us and I imagine it's important to them.

It is tough to live in a two gendered world when you don't fit the model.  I can only imagine how tough it is to be the child of such a person.  How does one brag?  "My dad looks better in a mini-skirt than yours does?"

I am the best dad that I can be.  I worry that my eldest is right and that my best isn't good enough, that my gender transgressions have moved me too far from the acceptable norm to be a good dad. 

These are my private worries that torment me sometimes.  Now, they're not so private.

Transgender and running naked

A few days ago, I published the text of a speech I gave on Transgender Day of Remembrance.  It was mis-quoted by the Michigan Daily.  However, I did not object to the Daily about the mis-quote because the sentiment was accurate enough.  In today's Daily there is a letter to the editor arguing that we should not amend the bylaws because people can choose to be transgender and, akin to running naked, such a thing should not be protected.

[UPDATE] Click on the "today's Daily" link above and read the comments that people made in response to the letter, including at least two in support of the letter below.

To the Daily:

I try to take liberals seriously sometimes, and then it all just falls to pieces when I read quotes like “Does it seem to you that you are expressing your gender when you use a public restroom? For many people of the transgender community, it is an act of courage.” The article about the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender protesters that this quote was taken from (LGBT groups protest regents’ delays on bylaws outside Fleming, 11/18/2005) beautifully illustrates just how ridiculous the idea of tolerance has become on campus. Using the bathroom, an act of courage? Are you kidding me? These people voluntarily choose to change their sex, and now they want to extend the University bylaws to include this vague idea of “gender identity and expression.” What does that even mean? If I want to run around naked on campus, does that count as my way of “expressing my gender identity?” Will I get protection in the University bylaws?

The fact is, people choose to be transgender. I honestly do not care if it takes courage for them to use the bathroom. They have made a personal choice, and they need to deal personally with the consequences. Granted, people may have been murdered because they were transgender, and murder is horrible. However, the idea of tolerance has been taken to an extreme.

I would encourage the University to stand firm by not changing the bylaws to include this foggy notion of “gender identity and expression.” Do not make a mockery of such a fine institution.

Joshua Birk

LSA sophomore

First Snow

My middle kiddle comes up ... it snows.  She leaves, and our high is expected to reach near 60.  This same phenomenon occurred last year.  Do you think two samples constitute a statistically valid basis for the hypothesis that Melody is to blame for our weather?

She loves the snow.  We live in a small town north of Ann Arbor.  Every year, on the Saturday following Thanksgiving, they have a parade to ring in the Christmas season (including St. Nick (not Santa) being pulled in a sleigh by real reindeer at the end).  It was a fun parade, complete with marching bands from the local high and middle schools.  Melody spent most of the time holding her jacket while the rest of us were bundled up.  She swears she's part polar bear. 

I snapped this picture (don't you just love timers on cameras?) just before we took Amanda back to the airport on Saturday.  It was taken in our front yard.  If I look happy, sitting there with The Girl and with my children, it's only because I am.  I continue to miss my eldest girl, but I feel so very blessed to have such a wonderful and loving family.  Despite not having Jennifer here, and wishing that my entire family (including parents and siblings) could have been together, it was a wonderful 5 day weekend.  We watched movies (the Lord of the Rings, again), played pool, enjoyed a fire in the fireplace, ate too much (as usual) and watched the deer in the backyard. 

It was a wonderful holiday and I count my blessings as one very lucky woman.  Even if my middle daughter is the harbinger of snow and cold. 

Also, I want to thank those of you who commented on the last post.  Obviously, I'm not going to stop blogging altogether; but my posts will continue to be sparse, I'm afraid.  Maybe that's a good thing.  Maybe the blog will then transmogrify into one where only close friends (including you, T) and family will check in to see what's up in my life.

Happy Thanksgiving

I am thinking that my blog life has run its course.  I don't post often enough to post all the new stuff that's happening and when I do post it seems to me that it's often a re-hash of old things.  I say the same things over and again.  I've started off three or four posts recently with "Last year ..." and then linked to the post of the previous year.  I started this blog because I wanted to inform people -- if they went to school with me, about me, and if they didn't about transgenderism in general.  I think I've done a fair job of that and I suspect that only a very few hard core loyalists are even still here with me (and for good reason -- who wants to keep reading the same things over again?).

So, I'm not saying goodbye.  But, I am giving warning that the scarcity of posts will likely continue and even get worse and it's entirely possible that they will stop sometime soon.

Having said all that, today is Thanksgiving.  Last year <grin>, I posted about what this holiday means to me, and I listed the top things about which I was grateful.  This year, the list is identical, except that instead of "CivPro" my concern is bankruptcy and, most importantly, I've added The Girl to my list of things to be grateful for in my life.

She appeared when she was supposed to (and I for her).  We are incredibly good for each other and support each other in amazing ways.  The fact that she loves me enough to want to go through the enormous hassle of planning a wedding and then actually marrying me is a tremendous gift in my life.

I'm grateful for my children and my parents and my siblings.  I'm grateful for all the new friends I've made this year and all the old ones who are still here, even if I don't talk to them everyday (or week, or month, or maybe even year).

I'm grateful for having found an area of the law (Family Law) that truly turns me on.  It is an area where I can combine the two main interests of my life (equal rights for LGBT folk and family) and see how I can make a real difference in people's lives.  That has always been so important to me.

So, on this day of reflection and appreciation, I offer my wish for a day spent with your loved ones and the opportunity to give thanks for whatever bounty exists in your life.

Happy Thanksgiving.

My girls come today

Just as last year, my two youngest daughters, Amanda and Melody are coming to visit for the Thanksgiving holiday today. They are just good kids.  I pick them up at 3 PM.  This makes me happy. :)

Tough Night

Today is an especially difficult day for me.  It is, of course, the official date of Transgender Day of Remembrance.  Although I had very little (nothing) to do with the planning of the events, they still want me to again MC the event and give the opening remarks.  At one level, I guess I'm glad they think enough of me and my speechifying that they want me there and want me to talk.  On another level, I don't think I'm that all that wonderful as a speaker; moreover, I've been in people's faces a fair amount in the past couple of weeks -- first with the evening of Recognition and Remembrance and the with the TDOR rally on Thursday. (As a side note to that rally, the Michigan Daily covered the event and reported upon it here (photo by Ryan Weiner; this was part of the crowd as I was speaking).  Note that they a) misquoted me and b) spelled my name wrong, twice (this, after asking me to spell it for them; go figure). Then, again, I've been quoted in the Daily 3 times in the past year (one in an article based upon a full interview) and there have been material errors each time). So, speaking today is difficult for me for the two very simple reasons that the subject matter is extremely difficult (I cried during one of the speeches, a poem, given by a young man at the rally on Thursday; if I can get his permission, I will post it here.  It was incredibly beautiful and moving). And, I'm kind of talked-out.

However, what makes this day particularly difficult for me is the fact that The Girl and I won't be together this evening.  Even that would be tolerable (after all, she travels quite a bit on business and it's lonely but not really difficult). What makes tonight different is that she will be with a very dear, very close group of friends -- through whom she met her last partner (Carolyn), 20 years ago this month.  Since it is the group's 20th anniversary and since Carolyn just died this past year (breast cancer) I know that tonight is going to involve some reflection on the changes of the past 20 years and I know that it will center a lot around Carolyn.  I know this will be very, very difficult for The Girl and I want desperately to be there with her, to help give her strength.  But, I cannot.  They set this date up after I was already commited to speak and I can't get out of that commitment (not that I would really want to, of course. TDOR is one night a year to pause and reflect on the violence that still exists against our community; it deserves my attention and respect). 

It's going to be a tough night.  However, on a good note, my friend from Germany did read my last blog post and write to me, so now I have a working address for her, yay!

My German Friend

My best friend from law school last year graduated and went back home to Germany.  She got married recently and sent me a postcard from her honeymoon (thank you!!!) but her UM email address no longer works and I have no way to contact her.  I'm very sad; I miss her.  If you are this woman -- EMAIL me already!!!! :)

TDOR Rally

Despite my best efforts to be less (or even not) involved with the Transgender Day of Remembrance this year, I was asked to speak at a rally held on campus today in commemoration of TDOR.  The rally ends just as this month's Regents' meeting gets ready for public comments.  There will be four of us speaking this afternoon, they've asked me to speak first (for which I was grateful, I was worried that I would just be repetitive if I went last).  As we have four of us, we are each limited to five minutes.  Again, I was grateful as I don't want to stand out in the freezing temperatures and snow any longer than necessary.  Last year, it rained.

My speech is below the fold.

Jenny Runkles - round 2

Last year, I posted about the great time I had at the Jenny Runkles banquet and how my friend and OutLaws co-chair won the award.  This year, I was unable to make it to the dinner, but once again, a friend (known to readers of this blog as BoSox), and this year's OutLaws co-chair won.  Congratulations, Kyle.  And, thank you for all that you do.  You are awesome and completely deserving.  The pictures and story are available on OutLaws web-page.

Res Gestae - 2

Not surprisingly, the editors at Res Gestae asked me to rewrite my article submission (too little school specific content).  So, I did.  I still think it is not worthy of publishing anywhere, let alone in a law school newspaper, but what do I know.

Anyway, the new version is below the fold.

50 Years of Service

I was privileged on Friday night to share the stage with Representative John D. Dingell.  He was being honored for his 50 years of service in the U.S. Congress. The event, An Evening of Recognition and Remembrance, was hosted by the Washtenaw Rainbow Action Project (WRAP) and was held on Veteran's Day.  Several of the speakers, including a Colonel in the Civil Air Patrol who is the local chapter president of the Servicemember's Legal Defense Network spoke about House Resolution 1059, calling for the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.  I was asked to speak both as a veteran and as a reminder of the existence of transgender people and our unique issues related to serving in the military.

The event was nicely done.  In addition to the Congressman, outgoing Chief of Police Dan Oates was there and recognized, and several members of Ann Arbor's city council were present as well as a couple of state legislators.  My Girl came from work and joined me.  It was such a thrill for me to have her there.

I was given 2 minutes to speak, so I said nothing profound; my objective was simply to raise awareness in the Congressman and the other guests about transgender people. The text of my brief talk is below the fold.

[Update] I had a nice talk with one of the other speakers prior to the event. Her daughter came out as a lesbian after completing her education at one of the service academies.  Now, after discharging her from the service (under Don't Ask, Don't Tell) the government is demanding repayment of the education cost. It sure seems to me like we've got our priorities all mixed up. 

I told her about my service in the Navy during that conversation, but she came up to me after the event to apologize that she had just assumed that women were allowed on submarines until she heard my talk.  She hoped I wasn't offended that she did not initially realize that I was transsexual.  I wasn't.

Happy 23

Happy Birthday, Jennifer!  I love you.

Res Gestae

I was asked to write an article for the Res Gestae, our law school's student newspaper. I don't have time to do all my homework and write blog entries so don't ask me why I agreed to write the damn thing.  My Girl says it's because I don't have the word "NO" in my vocabulary.  The article is, in my opinion, boring, irrelevant, and sans verve. But, at least I feel like I fulfilled my [perceived] obligation to write something. Because I've not had time to write anything here in the past few days, I include it here.  Readers of this blog will find nothing new in it. I offer it only as a filler of time and space.

Reflections on November

by Denise Brogan

November is an important month in my life.  I know you don’t (and shouldn’t) give two cents for what’s important to me, but then you shouldn’t be reading this anyway – finals are just three short weeks away.  And I apologize, but there are no hidden gems of insight or advice or titillation in this piece; it’s all just about me – after all, isn’t everything?  So, why are you still reading?

Don’t get me wrong I love October.  I love the turning of the leaves and the mild temperatures before the cold sets in.  The madness of September and restarting school are behind, the pressure of finals are in the hazy future. The main topic on LawOpen is football tickets (and how much scalping one can get away with). And, I love the fun of Halloween.  In the transgender community we always talked about Halloween as the “high holy day for crossdressers”.   It is the one day a year when people can get away with playing with gender (we use a stronger word than “playing”, but I’ll leave that to your imagination) without the normative social sanctions that otherwise win the day. It was great for me to see other transgenders in last month’s Res Gestae. You girls totally rock. Now, if only we can get someone to nominate a lesbian for Mr. Wolverine we’ll really be onto something!

But, when November rolls around I find myself taking stock of the priorities in my life. In the first half of the month are family birthdays. My mother was born in November and she is both elderly and in poor health.  My eldest daughter was born in November (she’s 23 – nearly as old as the average age in this school; damn, but that makes me feel ancient). She was born prematurely and had to fight for her life for the first months of it. The importance I place on those two events speak to the value that I place on family in my life and, arguably, to central elements of my identity as a person and as a parent.

In the second half of the month another event occurs that is important to my identity and helps me to remember why I’m in law school at my advanced age.  Every year, for the past seven, members of the transgender community and its allies have commemorated Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR).  TDOR began as a local (San Francisco) phenomenon in 1999, but has grown to include national and even international recognition.  It serves as a means to memorialize the victims of deadly violence, violence inflicted upon its victims for the fact of their transgressions against gender norms, and to raise awareness of transgender lives – to lift us above, if only for a moment, the obscurity and indifference that typify our existence in the broader culture.

As this month progresses, I become more aware that final exams are looming.  I am fortunate in that I am somewhat freer of the need to obsess over grades, and consequently over finals, but I’m also not oblivious to them. I came to law school after a successful business career with a vision of making a difference in the lives of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and, of course, Transgender (LGBT) people.  To do that, I need to actually learn something.  I am confident that if I learn something in each of my classes I will pass – and thus far, my thesis has proved true – however, near the end of each semester I again contemplate what life might look like if I fail and I do actually panic a wee bit. What do you suppose a middle age, transsexual, law school drop-out earns anyway?

And, finally, comes Thanksgiving.  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year, bar none.  I’m a big believer in showing appreciation for what you’ve got.  And, I’ve much to be appreciative for this year:

·        I am only 4 weeks away from having completed two-thirds of my law school career.

·        I am old enough to join AARP, but I can still climb the stairs of Hutchins with a backpack full of law books.

·        My children are happy and healthy (a corollary to that is that I’m also appreciative of their intelligence and hard work in that they got scholarships and Dad didn’t have to pay their tuition (yes, my kids call me Dad)).

·        I live close enough to Canada to be able to legally (at least there!) marry my partner when this term ends.

·        My mom is still with me and still mentally as sharp as ever.

·        I drive a hybrid that gets 50+ miles per gallon.

·        I’m the first openly out transsexual ever accepted into this fine Law School, and I’m appreciative that I’m here.

·        I’m appreciative of the hard work that so many people have put forth to see that the University’s bylaws are amended to prohibit discrimination on the basis of gender identity or expression.

·        I’m appreciative of the truly fabulous people that I’ve met at the University of Michigan Law School, and am honored to call many of them friends.

OK, that’s my article.  I told you that it was all about me and that you shouldn’t waste your time reading it.  But, here you are.  Well, be appreciative of the fact that I will probably never write another one.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Supreme Court and Different types of men and women

One side says the case is about sex discrimination. The other says it's simple stereotyping. Now the Supreme Court is being asked to step in.

In 1999, Philip Barnes was a Cincinnati police officer training for a promotion to sergeant. Barnes was also intent on changing gender and spent his off hours living as a woman. Barnes, who had worked in the department since 1981, ranked 18th out of the 105 officers who took the sergeant's exam. But the police department, citing a litany of professional errors and shortcomings, refused to promote Barnes.

"The law tries to keep women and men from being treated differently," says Ganulin. "But different kinds of men and women is the gray area, and the Court needs to step in."

According to Legal Times, the Supreme Court of the US (SCOTUS) may take up the case of Barnes v. Cincinnati (text of article below the fold).  You can't control what SCOTUS will hear and what it won't.  All other things being equal, I would rather have had them hear either the Littleton case or the Gardiner case, or even Ulane (all of which they refused).  And, of course, they may choose to not hear this one. 

The issue is an interesting one from serveral perspectives.  First, because of Ulane, the law of the land since 1984 has been that it is legal to discriminate on the grounds of transsexuality without running afoul of Title VII's prohibition against discrimination on the grounds of sex.  According to the Ulane court:

The phrase in Title VII prohibiting discrimination based on sex, in its plain meaning, implies that it is unlawful to discriminate against women because they are women and against men because they are men. The words of Title VII do not outlaw discrimination against a person who has a sexual identity disorder...

Since Ulane was not discriminated against as a female, and since Title VII is not so expansive in scope as to prohibit discrimination against transsexuals, we reverse the order of the trial court and remand for entry of judgment in favor of Eastern ...

Then came Price Waterhouse.  In that case, a woman was denied promotion because she was not feminine enough for her supervisors and the partners in the accounting firm. There, SCOTUS did hear the case and ruled that the discrimination was unlawful because of sex stereotyping:

As for the legal relevance of sex stereotyping, we are beyond the day when an employer could evaluate employees by assuming or insisting that they matched the stereotype associated with their group, for "'[i]n forbidding employers to discriminate against individuals because of their sex, Congress intended to strike at the entire spectrum of disparate treatment of men and women resulting from sex stereotypes.'"

Price Waterhouse v. Hopkins, 490 U.S. 228, 251 (U.S. 1989).

Following Price, people began to speculate that coverage for transsexuals may then exist under Title VII, using such an argument.  Smith was the first case that was really successful in that argument (reported upon here, and here). Barnes was decided by the same 6th Circuit.  Part of me really hopes SCOTUS declines to hear it; I like the law as it is now established and I fear this conservative court will take away this protection from us. On the other hand, of course, they could do the right thing.

[UPDATE] 11/7: The Washington Post reports that the supremes have decided to not hear the case.  Text of article below the fold.

The Supreme Court refused Monday to consider shielding employers from discrimination lawsuits by transsexuals, dodging a workplace rights fight.

The court's refusal to intervene leaves in place a victory for Cincinnati Officer Philecia Barnes, who was born Phillip Barnes.

Transgender violence/ Day of Remembrance

Last year at this time, I was heavily involved with preparing for the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance.  I was on the committee that planned the event, I was the keynote speaker at the rally the day before, I led the parade, and I acted as the "Master of Ceremonies" at the evening's event itself, and of course, I blogged about it.  All in all, we had a very nice turnout and quite a bit of participation.  I also tried to raise awareness in the Law School -- I provided black arm-bands for people to wear, I put up flyers around the school, and I sent out a school-wide email discussing the event.  I got very little response from the law school community; only a handful asked for and wore arm-bands, only 1 or 2 showed up for the rally, and none came the night of the event.

But, I did raise consciousness at some level.  I got, in response to the email I sent, a reply from a law student that suggested that I was overstating the case of violence toward transgenders, that the reasons for their deaths might not have been their transgenderism, but some other reason -- such as their perceived status as prostitutes. In the end, helpful commenters, supporters (including Michigan blogger, Heidi) and I either convinced the other side that they were attacking unfairly and unnecessarily, or they simply gave up. 

But, this year, I've done nothing to plan for or facilitate this event.  Not because I no longer attach importance to it, but simply because I've been swamped with a too heavy law school class schedule (not to mention a new romance).  On the contrary, I have recently had cause to reflect on the fact that very little attention, in the scheme of things, ever gets paid to transgender people.  What attention does come our way is either because we yell and scream and demand respect (but rarely get it), or we get physically assaulted.

In today's Between the Lines, there is an article (under the byline of a friend and supporter) about a recent assault on two transgender women in Pontiac, MI.

According to a statement police spokesman Sgt. William Ware gave the Oakland Press Oct. 25, bigotry may have been a motive in the attack on the two trans women.

"The person (who attacked them) was calling them names and taunting them," while following the women home from the Liberty Bar according to Sgt. Ware.

Police did not have a good description of the suspects in the assault at press time.

"The description of the perpetrators varies between the two victims," said Detective Jaclyn Wilton, who is working on the case. "I think there were some very serious injuries to the two victims, and perhaps some memory loss and confusion. We're looking for anyone who has any information to share that with us."

If that wasn't enough, one newspaper who reported the incident assaulted them yet again, by referring to them both with masculine pronouns.

The Tuesday, Oct. 25 edition of the Oakland Press identified the two transgender victims of the Oct. 19 assault as "two gays."

The report repeated the mistake in the second paragraph, saying, "The two men, one of whom cross-dresses and the other is transgendered..."

In the year since the last commeration of TDOR, there have been 12 more murders in this country alone and that does not count the assaults that did not result in death.  It's still not safe for us out there, people.  The education must continue.  I am sorry that I did not do more this year.  If you can, please attend the TDOR event (scheduled for November 20) in your area. [UPDATE] - Original flyer had a typo in it. The local rally is scheduled for Thursday 11/17 (not to be confused with the events on the actual day).

Quoting again from today's article:

Stay Safe

According to Triangle Foundation Director of Policy Sean Kosofsky, "Everyone in the GLBT community must be very careful, very alert when they're leaving bars and bookstores and other venues like them. This might signal the rise of more incidents in Pontiac, or it may not, but folks need to take very careful precautions." Kosofsky made the following recommendations:

1. Be incredibly aware of your surroundings. Are there individuals present who don't look like they belong there?

2. Park and walk in well-lit areas. If private parking is available, that is the safest option.

3. Travel in groups. Have folks walk you to your car or other places. Not only is there safety in numbers, you'll also have witnesses if anything does happen.