So, today is the last day of winter break (UM is smart enough to not call it "spring break"). I leave for the airport in a couple of hours. I'm ready for it to be over, despite my not having cracked a textbook the entire trip. This will be a long weekend of studying, I have much to read before Monday.
We filed our final tax return and we filed the divorce papers with the court. I have to fly back here at the end of this month (missing a day of school) for a 10 minute court appearance and the divorce will then be final. I want to complain and whine and cry (although it seems like I've done little else but cry these past few days). I want to say how horribly unfair it all is. We fought as we put the paperwork together; this is something we did so rarely -- this fighting. But, it was so hard for both of us. We worked on the filings for hours (and we filed the "simplified" forms!). Still, I pause and think about all the good in my life and all the love and the fact that my children are all still living. My heart so breaks when I read Transmogriflaw's recount of her friends' deaths. How can I complain about my trivial problem?
I met a dear friend for dinner the night we filed the paperwork. She and I talked for hours and I stayed over at her place (separate beds!). She is also going through a really tough time, vis-a-vis a relationship. Sometimes, you find strength by trying to be strong for someone else. As I tried to point out the beauty that I saw in her and the fact that her relationship was just not meant to be, that it had served its purpose and it was time to look for someone that would love her as she deserved, I began to see that for myself as well.
So, I'll be 50 on Monday. How about that? Don't you think it's time I quit all this melodrama? Shouldn't I be an adult by now, you know, past all this shit? Maybe this is the kind of stuff you can't "outgrow". We had a nice little party the night before we began the divorce paperwork. My parents bought me a beautiful pair of earrings and my kids bought me the most magnificent pendant -- a gold one with their photograph etched onto it. I truly wept for joy at that. And, Connie bought me a truly stunning ruby and diamond butterfly pin. I will post a photograph of that sometime.
Time to go get in the shower and prepare to come back to Ann Arbor. I hope everyone had a good week. I'll try to post something uplifting -- like sea stories and stories of beautiful things -- soon. In the meantime, check out Amanda's beautiful places post.