Life, Law, Gender

Do you think I'm in the wrong business?

Stolen from GM at Lobal Warming.  As she said, I'm not in Spitzer's league, however...

Who knew? I don't know everything!

I saw this over at Julie's Place.  I know I've seen it somewhere before -- and that I got a 100% on it then -- but this time I only got a 97%.  ::pout::  Maybe I really didn't deserve that GED. 

You paid attention during 97% of high school!

85-100% You must be an autodidact, because American high schools don't get scores that high! Good show, old chap!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
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Super heros!

With the recent news that Batwoman is a lesbian and the upcoming release of the new Superman and Spiderman coming out to all the world (not to mention the X-Men's Last Stand), it seemed only apropos that I should stumble across this quiz at Julie's Place, Carter's Little Pill:

You scored as Captain Jack Sparrow. Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com Roguish,quick-witted, and incredibly lucky, Jack Sparrow is a pirate who sometimes ends up being a hero, against his better judgement. Captain Jack looks out for #1, but he can be counted on (usually) to do the right thing. He has an incredibly persuasive tongue, a mind that borders on genius or insanity, and an incredible talent for getting into trouble and getting out of it. Maybe its brains, maybe its genius, or maybe its just plain luck. Or maybe a mixture of all three.

Captain Jack Sparrow 88% Neo, the "One" 79% The Amazing Spider-Man 75% William Wallace 75% James Bond, Agent 007 75% El Zorro 71% Lara Croft 67% Batman, the Dark Knight 54% Indiana Jones 54% The Terminator 50% Maximus 50%

Liberal. Me?

This is a silly quiz (well, OK, most of them are!) but it was fun (nothwithstanding some typos and the banality of the questions).  It thinks I'm a liberal! ;)

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 15% Conservative, 85% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

Dentyne

Check ending number 4 to this Dentyne commercial.

(Text version below the fold)

First, read about how it all started; then how it might end. Submit your vote for your favorite ending to see the score.

How it all started
On-Air Dentyne Ice Wild Winter Soft Chew TV Commercial: "Lucky Guy"

Sound Effects Throughout: House Party Ambience

Commercial opens on a couch at an ordinary Middle American house party. A likable guy is sitting on the couch. Camera pulls back to reveal a beautiful young woman to his left. He smoothly holds up a pack of Dentyne Ice Artic Chill.

Accepting his invitation, she slides the gum blister pack out of the sleeve and pops a piece.

Announcer Voiceover: Dentyne Ice, Straight up...

Camera pans right to reveal another beautiful woman sitting next to him on his right. This time, he holds up a pack of Wild Winter Soft Chew and flips it open.

She sensually selects a piece and pops it in her mouth.

Announcer Voiceover: ...or new Dentyne Ice Wild Winter Soft Chew.

Camera pulls back wider. The guy realizes - to his own amazement - that he has just played that pretty smoothly. Both of the women give him a speculative glance.

Announcer Voiceover: Why not try both?

The moment is deliciously ripe with tension. What will happen next?

Announcer Voiceover: Find out what happens next - and get free gum - at Dentyne -dot - com.

Terms and conditions apply.

ON SCREEN TITLE APPEARS: Watch what happens next. Get Free Gum. Dentyne.com

LEGAL DISCLAIMER APPEARS ON SCREEN: While supplies last. Please allow 4 - 6 weeks for delivery. Available to U.S. Residents only, must be 13 or older to participate. Limit one full pack of gum per household. Cadbury Adams reserves the right to terminate this offer for any reason at any time.

Commercial Ending 1: "Boots"
Overwhelmed by the tension of the moment, the guy plants a big kiss on the Artic Chill girl to his left. Their passion gets the best of them and they fall off the couch and on the floor, a little out of frame.

The comedy of the spot comes from the response of the Soft Chew woman's face that's been left on the couch.

At first, she is miffed. Then, her expression changes. She rolls her eyes, affecting boredom. She looks away in dismay but then her faces registers astonishment at what's unfolding at her feet, out of frame. As she is looking down at them in disgust, she recognizes her boots on her friend's feet.

Soft Chew Woman on Couch: "Are those are my boots? Get your fat feet out of my boots. You're going to stretch them out."

At this point the woman on the couch is more annoyed at the friend wearing her boots rather than her friend kissing the guy. She starts to grab at the boots, trying to take them off her feet.

This is my Favorite ending!

Commercial Ending 2: "Stranger"
Overwhelmed by the tension of the moment, the guy plants a big kiss on the Soft Chew woman to his right. Their passion gets the best of them and they fall off the couch and on the floor, a little out of frame.

The comedy of the spot comes from the response of the Arctic Chill woman's face that's been left on the couch.

She is clearly annoyed and doesn't know what to do. She looks at them both and then looks away in disgust. You can see she is getting more annoyed by each passing second. Then she surveys the party and responds by grabbing a passing guy, hauling him down over the couch, and giving him her own big smooch. Humph! She'll show them.

This is my Favorite ending!

Ending 3: "Almost"
This ending is too bold to show you.

This is my Favorite ending!

Commercial Ending 4: "Crowded"
The two women lean in toward the center of the couch, closing on the face of the guy. He acts as if he can't believe what's happening. This is his big fantasy - unexpectedly come to life. In between the two girls, he closes his eyes and puckers up.

But instead, the women bypass him and kiss each other. Then they stand up, join hands, and walk off.

The guy is left alone on the couch. After a moment, we can see he's a little dejected as you'd expect. He sits there, glumly surveying the room. The party moves around him. Everyone else seems to be having a good time.

Then, two new guys come over and sit down in the empty spaces on the couch on either side of him.

NEW GUY 1: "What's up man?"

ORIGINAL GUY: "What's up?"

NEW GUY 2: "Can I have a piece?"

The original guy looks up surprised and offers a piece of Dentyne Ice Soft Chew to new guy 2. New guy 2 starts to chew. The original guy thinks to himself - whoa, looks around nervously and decides to take off, leaving the two newcomers on the couch. The guys left on the couch cut each other a friendly glance.

This is my Favorite ending!

Chickens and toilets

One of my classmates, JKrasch, has been posting some cute stories recently about her experiences living on a farm.  In the current post she mentions chickens that spontaneously change sex.  Well, you know that's going to get my attention.  I spent a little time on the farm growing up and I have a passing interest in sex change topics and I had never heard of this.  She invited us to look it up, so I tried. 

In the process, I came across this joke site and this joke:

It seems that a man who recently had a sex change has been complaining about all the sexual harassment she has been receiving since she became a woman.

The women in her office said they would stop harassing her as soon as she started putting the seat down on the toilet.

::groan::

This doesn't happen everyday

I just had a classmate come up to me to tell me that "some people" have said that I have nice legs and that I might like to know that.

Hell yes I like to know that!  If this is something you feel like you should tell me, please don't hesitate! ;-)

All doubt erased

So, it turns out that Heidi is really male.  Cool.  I always knew she he and I were kindred spirits.  I was delighted to see this new gender test; it completely confirmed my gender for me.  I suspect, however, it will leave 2 of my 3 children questioning theirs.

Appellations

Do you ever wonder why it is that women have so many titles and men have but one?  For men there is simply "Mr."  For women, there is "Miss" -- a young unmarried woman or girl, "Ms." -- an appellation not dependant upon marital status, and "Mrs." -- a title for a married woman.

I am called "Miss Brogan" in class.  At first, I just thought it was cute.  But, sometimes, I am slightly annoyed at it -- I am not a young woman or girl.  Besides, what difference should it make what my marital status is? Now, I'm not annoyed at the professors; they're used to young women in class (although I’m sure many are married and one might think it would be pretty easy to switch to Ms when they call on me – I look young but not THAT young).  I am more annoyed at the underlying message that is implicit in our language.  Women must be classified based upon our age and marital status - almost as if we have to alert the male population of our property status.  But, the dominate class is not so constrained. 

Sorry that I've been so bitchy lately.  I don't know what's come over me.

[Update]  It also occurs to that that since gay marriage is legal in only 1 of our states, this whole system is also insidious in its inquiry as to sexual orientation.

Young guys & older women?

So, I managed to get my ass out of my bathrobe and make it to the drugstore for drugs.  I think I have the cough enough under control that I will make it to classes fine tomorrow (thanks to everyone who e-mailed me the assignments; now, could you read them for me?). 

While I was out, I decided to attend the IGR Dialogue that I'm auditing.  Now, I am not allowed to use names (confidentiality and all that), but the story is just too funny to not share!

This is only the second meeting of the group (about 16 of us in total).  We are still at the "get to know one another" stage. Consequently, the facilitators had us do a silly little game where every person is put on the "hot seat" and the rest of the class fires questions at them for 75 seconds.  When my time came, my classmates (early 20s) asked me generally respectful questions (where do your kids go to school, where all have you lived, which place did you like the best, etc.).  But, one young man asked me if it was true that women got "better" as they got older.  What does one say to that?  Now, I could have exercised my option to pass on the question, but what the hell.  So, I said "of course!"

When *his* time came to be questioned, the group was getting a bit more loose and someone asked him which of the women in the room he'd be most interested in "being with".  His near instant response: "Denise".

I had planned to come out to this group today, but I decided to give the poor kid a break and allow him some distance from that comment.  Next week. ;-)

Gender Genie

I quit trolling for blogs a long time ago.  But, every once in a while I find new one to add to my list (generally via comments on one of the blogs that I do read, or on my own blog).  In this case, I just discovered Legal Quandary.  As I was perusing her site, I came across an entry for the Gender Genie.  Well, after all, am I going to pass up trying such a thing?  I mean, come on, get real!

Depending upon your perception of my sex, the genie got it wrong/right every time.  It identified my writing as being written by a male.  Of course, it also identified other female law students in the same way.

But, what I found particularly interesting is the algorithm used.  It searches out supposed "feminine" or "masculine" words and then gives them each a value.  The top three under feminine are: "him, so, because" and the top three under masculine are: "some, this, as".    Interestingly, though, the word I use most often that genie thinks makes me male is "the".

So, apparently if I want my writing to pass as a woman's, I need to talk about him so much more often!  (That sentence scored a 242 on the female scale and a 62 on the male scale -- woohoo!)

Boys will be boys

This past Friday night/Saturday morning (about 1 AM) I was sitting in my car outside the Lawyer's Club (the dorm for law students which is part of the Law Quad) talking with a (female) friend.  Now, my car has several gay pride stickers on it (4, in total).  (My ex looked at my car as I was preparing to come north and said to me: "Wow, all you need now is a megaphone on the roof.")

We sat there for quite a little while and chatted and several people passed us by without much notice, some individually and many in groups.  But, at one point, a group comprised exclusively of young men (does that do them too much service?) came up to my car and began yelling at us and leaning over the hood of the car to wave double middle finger salutes at us.

Now, I gotta wonder.  What were they offended by?  What caused them to feel the need to express their ... what... machismo?  And, why at us?  We were doing nothing but quietly talking.  I have to confess to a rapid fire set of emotions - fear, anger, frustration.  I don't know for sure what their motivation was -- anti-gay, anti-trans (though I would like to think that the ability to "read" me in the dark while I'm in a car is unlikely), or just "boys being boys" (don't you just love how that rationalization absolves everything?) but I do know that this is the first time I've been afraid of violence since I moved up here.  Fortunately, it was extremely short-lived.  They didn't hang around for more than 20 seconds, but it sure startled me.

[UPDATE]:  It is fair to note that my companion did NOT experience any fear or anger over this event; indeed, she seemed hardly to notice it.  When I commented upon it afterward, she dismissed it categorically.  So, while the events themselves are not embellished, my reaction to them may have been overboard.

Math Sux!

I just got this in e-mail and I thought it was outrageously funny.  Enjoy (or not)!

News Release: Teacher Arrested

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement.

He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.

They use secret code names like 'x'and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

Cuddling

There are three nice things about blogging on a Saturday.

1) You can say anything you want, 'cause no one actually reads your blog on the weekends (smart people!).

2) You are able to effectively fight off that demon study monster.

3) While catching up with other blogs, you can occassionally come across really excellent ideas, like spooning and cuddling with perfect (?) strangers.  It's been so long since I've been cuddled, I'm in!   Thanks, ESpat!

Victims!

I just came across this site from Heidi's blog.  OMG.  I believe she must be right -- this is a parody. 

Some excerpted gems:

Bisexual Marriage is an Oxymoron; you can't be both bi-sexual and married.

Homosexuality is genetic anti-diversity, by definition. Same (i.e. homo) is the opposite of diverse. In fact, homosexuality is genetic (preconceived) diversity-intolerance. Same-sex unions open the door to taxpayer funded white-male-dominated institutions with both zero racial and zero gender diversity. [Sounds like the US Congress! - Ed.]

Each gender-dominant family/tribe treats the complementary gender as subservient and second-class. In fact, gay men often have girl friends on the side, but these women are never allowed the privilege of an exclusive union with either of the men.

The Basic Function of Homosexuality is Simple: to Eliminate Equality

If Genetic Alcoholics Can Avoid Drink, Gays Can Avoid Acting Upon Sexist Preference

In fact, it is well known that a desire for gay sex can be created in any straight heterosexual person who starts doing acts of gay sex or fantasizing about it. In a similar way, men can develop an addiction to lesbian pornography, women can become attracted to incest, men can become attracted to boys, animals, etc. Be careful of your thought-life, sex is like a drug that can cause addiction (lust) to whatever source is producing the stimulation.

And, my personal favorite:

Gay people are not an enemy. They are victims of homosexuality.

I must say that since the author focuses so much on gender diversity I was disappointed that he/she didn't address intersex or transsexual relationships.  I mean, damn, if we're not gender diverse, who is?