Life, Law, Gender

Happy Father's Day!!

Today is a special day for me!  It's Father's day!  I am -- as nearly anyone who knows me surely understands -- unabashedly proud of my three daughters, and I (often) bore people as I regale them with stories of my children and their accomplishments.  But, today!  Today, I can revel in them without fear of reproach.  Without them, I would not BE a father.

As an aside -- I know, with certainty, that not all trans-women with children identify as fathers.  I honor their choice.  I really do.  But, for several reasons, I have never recoiled from that appellation (not even in public ... OK, OK, yes I know you all know that I asked my girls to not call me 'Daddy' in the ladies' room. Fine.).  Had our circumstances been different, maybe they would have opted to call me "mamma" or some variation thereof, so as to differentiate from "Mom" or "Mommie"-- revered names reserved for the woman who birthed them.  But, such was not our circumstance.  And, consequently, I swell with pride at being "Daddy".

I have done a lot of the typical daddy things -- I taught them to ride bicycles, and to whistle.  I tried (unsuccessfully, for the most part) to embarrass them by dancing in public places, like supermarkets and parking lots; instead, they danced with me.  I would grab them and hold them in "inescapable traps", which of course, were always escapable -- bringing them much glee.  I joined TaeKwonDo because they were studying it and I wanted to be a part of what they were doing.  I attended their performances in school -- whether it was theater or piano recitals or chorus, or whether it was taking off work an hour and half early to drive 60 miles south to a special camp they had attended to watch their grand finale.  I even argued with their step-mother over their right to live in their own messy rooms.  And, I tried to help them with the expenses of school, with cash and cars.  All typical daddy stuff.

But, I have also been an unusual daddy, and imperfect.  I challenged their notions of masculinity and femininity.  I certainly destroyed any comfort zone they had with introducing me as their father -- at least for a while; I was thrilled and honored when Amanda introduced me proudly as her "Dad" to her most beloved professor when she graduated from grad school this past May.  As a result of my gender identity, the perfect nuclear family they were being raised in was abruptly, and painfully for all involved, ended.  And, of course most tragic of all, I allowed my preoccupation with myself to deafen me to the needs of my eldest daughter at a time when she most needed me and I've lost her as a result.

But, I am nonetheless, a father -- warts and all.  And, I'm enormously proud of that.  I love my children more than the beat of my heart.  Nothing brings a smile to my face sooner than the idea that I'll get to spend time with them, or hear their voices, or get a card or letter from them.  For that reason, first and foremost, I LOVE Facebook.  I can look upon recent photos of my kids and still play games with them and get their latest news, every day. I am still thrilled and proud every time Melody beats me in chess -- despite it happening more often than not. I am not sure I ever understood the need of my mother to constantly hear from me, to read my blog as if it were a religion until I moved away from my kids.  Now, I completely get it! :)

They are all three grown, intelligent, well educated, successful and, yes, beautiful young women.  I am their father.  I am so proud of that.

If you identify as a father, then to you also I say -- HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Since you've been gone

Sunday, Mother's Day, is the 1 year anniversary of my mother's death.  I still miss her every single day.  Mary and I went to a concert by Cheryl Wheeler at the Ark in Ann Arbor a few weeks back and loved her so much we bought a couple of her albums.  I came across this song on one of them.  I cry every time.  I miss you, Mom.

Since You've Been Gone

Words And Music By

Cheryl Wheeler

A woman my age, sittin’ here cryin’

I oughta be stronger than I am

Oughta take comfort in wisdom or something like that

But it isn’t that way, ‘cause sooner or later

I’m still that nervous 9th grader

Watching you pull us together, I never knew how

 

And since you’ve been gone I’m just fallin’ apart

There’s a hole in my life, in my soul, in my heart

And I stare out this window till light becomes dark

And there’s nothing that’s touching me now

 

But not to complain, we’re just bereft, not deserted

Lord knows your rest was deserved

It’s just your absence is present in all that I do

In the sun in the field, in the poem I keep saying

In the hymn that some church bells were playing

You have always been part of them but I never knew

 

How could I ever begin to say?

Surely you already knew

What is this world with you gone away?

How can this finally be true?

Celebration of Life

We had Theresa's "celebration of life" yesterday.  I was simultaneously moved and annoyed by it.  There were two groups of people there -- her blood relatives and her lesbian community of friends.  I would guess that there was about an even split between the two, maybe 20-25 in each camp, making the total attendance somewhere between 40 and 50.  Theresa's brother, her ex-husband, and her two children dominated the service.  Only an occasional nod was made to her partner.

I very much wished to bridge the gap between the two camps and let the blood relatives know that we all, in the lesbian crowd of friends, considered her family also.

We often use the word "family" when we describe other LGBT people.  I really don't know how that practice originated, but I suspect it had something to do with the harsh reality that many of us are shunned by our birth families, or worse.  So, when we find another soul, or group of souls, that accepts who we are unconditionally -- as a family surely must -- we provide that cherished appellation. 

Spouses are, by dint of law, family.  The fact that Theresa and her partner were together for 10 years meant nothing.  Because, despite our best (?) efforts, Theresa had no will her partner stands to inherit exactly nothing from her estate.  She is a legal stranger.  And yet, in every practical way that matters, Theresa was her closest family.

I have only known Theresa as long as I've known my Girl, but I feel as if I've lost a member of my family. 

I promise -- this is my last maudlin post for a while!

Happy -- Holidays, Christmas, New Year, Anniversary!

Warning: Long, catch-up post follows...

Nope...not dead.  I apologize to anyone who has been checking my blog only to find it not updated for these past 3 weeks.  It's just that life has been crazy busy -- in a good way -- and I decided that when I began blogging again I wouldn't let it make me feel guilty if I went extended periods of time without updating.  So, with no guilty feelings to motivate me, I've just been loving life.  But, now I want to share all that's been going on with you (OK, well, at least some of it)!

First, Happy Holidays to everyone.  This is a time of year that I've always loved.  Raised a Christian, I have always celebrated Christmas.  A long time ago, I gave up on the idea of JC as being the only begotten son of God and then not too long ago I acknowledged that I didn't even buy the whole "single god" theory.  Still, I celebrate Christmas.  Which is to say I (we) put up a tree (a real one for the past 3 years), exchange presents, overeat, watch sports on television and generally enjoy quiet family time.   After that, of course, comes the New Year. No major celebrations here.  We're not unlike this reporter.  And, of course, for those of you who are Christians, Merry Christmas! As a side note to this whole religion thing -- you might find it amusing that I now attend an Episcopal church service every Sunday.  My MIL is Episcopalian and we take her (and then go out to brunch afterward). 

Our trip to Sint Maarten was fabulous!  You'll just have to take my word that this picture is of me (trying to take a photo underwater -- none of which turned out wonderfully, I must add).  The other picture is a photo of the   resort where we stayed while we were down there.  It was really lovely trip; it started off with a stop in South Carolina to visit MIL's younger sister who has heart problems.  It was wonderful to see the two of them together; it's clear that they share a loving sister bond.  They hadn't seen each other is several years, given everyone's health and we were so thrilled to be able to make this happen.  The resort was nice, the people were friendly and the weather was amazing.  Of course, the fact that we left just as a blizzard descended upon the Detroit area may have colored our appreciation of the 80 degree temps and clear skies a bit... Do we look like a couple of drowned rats in this final photo?  As always, you can click on the photos to enlarge them (and thereby see my new bathing suit, which is *much* cuter on the model than it is on me...).

When we returned home (1 AM this past Saturday before Christmas), we put things into high gear for our Christmas preparations.  As my Girl said: "It [was] cruch time for elves".  Indeed. We got holiday cards out late (apologies if you didn't get one -- it was not an intentional slight) and then only to immediate family, darn it.  We scurried around trying to do Christmas shopping for each other, and we put up a tree.  Now the tree is a bit of a story (I will post a photo of it as soon as I can).  Remember last year?  Well, in case you don't suffice it to say that we put up a large, 10 foot tree and it fell over in the middle of the night, causing us to have to completely re-decorate it.  This year, we thought, "you know, we have these beautiful high vaulted ceilings; we really should put in a tree that fits the room."  (Note to self: Mistake.  Do not repeat this mistake next year.)  Trees look larger indoors than they do out-of-doors, especially when they're in a tree farm surrounded by other large trees.  We honestly did not realize that we would have to cut off a foot of the top of the tree in order to have it fit in our 13 foot high ceiling (the low part -- where the vault meets the wall).  We also did not realize that the base was likely the culprit in our tree mishap last year, and probably not our poor wrongly-accused pussycat, Buster.  Without dragging you through all the agonizing details, let me just say that 1,600 lights, 6 nails in the wall, and three fishing line supports anchored thereto later we finally quit with the tree at 2:30 AM the day before Christmas.

Christmas day itself was great, as it almost always is.  The only downer part of it for me was the missing of my mom.  I spent last Christmas Day with her in the hospital.  I think I knew then that she wouldn't live to see this Christmas.  I'd give anything for another conversation with her.  And funny thing is...there's nothing I could say to her that I didn't say while she was living.  I just miss the conversation.  ::sigh::

Although Christmas is never all about the gift-getting for me (though it is often about the gift-giving), I would be lying if I didn't admit to being absolutely thrilled to get a new PDA for Christmas from my sweetheart.  She got me this HP IPAQ pocket PC.  My PDA (an old Palm Pilot which I lived by) died earlier this year and I've been lost without it. 

This brings us to today.  Today is my Girl's and my 2nd wedding anniversary.  How did I ever get so lucky as to find a woman who loves me as much as she does?  I must have been very, very good in a former life.  We agreed to not exchange gifts on our anniversary, but instead to simply celebrate it each year (part of which involves watching the tape of our actual wedding day...).  Still, I can never let this day go by without giving her cards and flowers.  It's just not in my nature.  I sent her this bouquet.

Finally, please accept from me my sincere wish for a peaceful, loving 2008 to all of you.

Middle of Hanukkah -- a late Christmas tree

We now have our house all decorated for the holidays (we have no religious paraphernalia (except a random angel ornament) in our decorations.  This is a completely secular holiday to us).  My Girl has a tremendous stash of holiday decorations -- for nearly every holiday.  So, we have Halloween stuff, and Thanksgiving stuff and Christmas stuff (and other holidays as well, but you get the point ...).  She doesn't mind (too terribly) that I'm a lazy butt and hate to cart all this stuff out and then put it all away again only to cart out the next holiday's stuff.  But, I love her so and it's really not such a chore.  And, because it's her thing, she does most of the work.  Today we put out all the outside (ginormous) wreaths and put colored lights on the 12' pine that stands just outside our master bath window (all the rest are way too big to attempt to decorate).  We even have two small fake trees lining the entrance on our porch.

But, despite all the decorations, inside and out, we have no Christmas tree.  Moreover, we won't get a Christmas tree this year until the Saturday before Christmas.  Therefore, it still just doesn't feel like the Christmas season to me yet (notwithstanding the 2nd week in a row of temperatures below freezing).  Now, one might reasonably ask why we are waiting so late to get a tree. 

Well, that's the point of this post.  We are going to St. Maarten one week from tomorrow and will spend a full week basking in 80 degree temperatures, swimming in the ocean, golfing in the sunshine and generally relaxing.  I am so excited.  I've lost 20+ pounds, so I rewarded myself by buying a new swim suit.  OK, so it's still one of those lycra, hold-in-your-tummy things, but hey.  I even bought the pareo.

We will be staying at the Royal Palm Beach resort in Simpson Bay (the Dutch side of Sint Maarten).  It may not feel like Christmas yet, but I'm coping ...

A nice break

Today is Wednesday.  The fact that it is Wednesday is important only to illustrate how nice our Thanksgiving break was.  We quit work last Wednesday afternoon when I headed to the airport to pick up my two youngest daughters (that actually was the only downside to the break -- I lost my wallet while at the airport; and although I've not recovered it, I've been able to cancel then replace my debit cards, my attorney bar card, and my drivers' license -- I'm only out about $20).  We returned to work on Monday.

To save you the math -- that was 4 1/2 days of no-work.  It was awesome.  I'm not saying we didn't occassionally discuss work or think about what was in store for us this week, but we limited even that.  We just took the time off and enjoyed our family and each other.

We had a lovely traditional Thanksgiving meal.  We used pareve margarine in our cooking to help the youngest (21) keep the meal kosher.  We talked a lot -- MIL really loved the girls (she had previously met one, but this was her first meeting with the other) -- we played a lot of games (including Acquire, which I had to acquire on ebay the previous week), we watched movies and we ate well (OK, I did gain 4 pounds over the near-week).  I was even able to share the video we made of Mom's memorial service in Denver with the girls and they were very touched and very happy to be able to share in it, despite the fact that they were unable to travel to Denver at the time.

On Friday evening, the Girl's brother (BIL) arrived and joined in the family fun.  We taught him to play Oh, Hell! -- one of my long-time favorite card games.  He is a good sport with a good sense of humor.   He was also a great help around the house.  He helped us to install a handrail for MIL to climb the two stairs into the house from the garage and he helped pick out a stationary cycling machine (just the pedal mechanism, actually) and a stair stepper for her to work out her knee and get exercise.  She's been using them and is really doing very well. You almost wouldn't know she just had her knee replaced in late September.

The only rub to BIL's visit was that the Girl has not yet told him that I'm transgender (we don't see him all that often, and when we do it's often for some other specific reason and doesn't seem like the time to discuss it).  During one game we were playing, he apparently (I say apparently only becaus I didn't hear it, but everyone else did) referred to me as the girls' mom.  But, twice during game playing the girls called me 'Dad'.   On the drive back to the airport, one of them said that she recalls having a conversation with him where he asked about the girls' dad and they said "Denise is our dad" (two years ago, on the day after our wedding).  I told the Girl about that and that I thought maybe he already just knew, but she said she thought that maybe he just thought that was the way gay couples with children did things (I doubt that, actually).  Obviously, at some point -- sooner rather than later -- we are going to have to clear this up so that none of feels like we have to censor ourselves.

I took the girls back to the airport on Saturday evening and we took BIL back on Sunday evening.  So, we had a nice time with just the girls, a nice time with just BIL, and a wonderful time with our blended family.  It was a very nice Thanksgiving break.

Which brings me back to today, Wednesday.  We have been working so diligently from before sun-up to late at night Monday and yesterday that this is my first opportunity to post!  We have a VERY full week this week and next.  I'll post more about that later, plus our plans for vacation in mid-December (to the Caribbean we go!). 

Rest, my Mom

November 19, 1931 -- May 11, 2007  10:46 AM

She held me at the moment of my birth.  Today, I held her at the moment of her death. The last words she heard on this earth was Augie and me telling her – Augie’s “Angel Face” – how much we loved her.

She was my mother, but she was his life partner and they’d been together for the past 35 years.  How to console him?  He wanders aimlessly about the house.  I have no words and my own tears come all too easily to offer him solace.  It’s just the two of us here now.  I wish we had a house full of people that demanded our attention.

She loved this blog.  When she was well, she would read it three or four times per day.  I would always try to be sneaky and get in a post and then quickly call her so that I could tease her that I had a new post up that she hadn’t read.

As I’ve mentioned before, my mom had serious heart problems, brought on by years of smoking.  When I started law school 3 years ago she had already had 3 open heart surgeries including having a heart valve replaced. She had emphysema, and was confined to a wheel chair and an oxygen tube.  But, she promised me that she would live to see me graduate law school.  She did one better – she waited to see me pass the bar.  Yesterday, I sat with her and showed her photos of our new logo.  She approved.  My mom suffered much these past 6 months and I’m so very happy that that suffering is over.  But, oh how I will miss her.  I will hold her forever in my heart.

Farewell, my dear mother.  Sleep in peace.  You are forever loved and forever remembered.

Trip Report

So much to report, so little time and space.  After 15 days and nights away from home (and away from a high speed internet connection; I'm so spoiled and addicted) we're home.  It has been an extraordinarily trying and emotional time.

We stopped in Lexington on the way to Florida and visited with my youngest.  She turned 21 the following week.  I know everyone is tired of my saying how proud I am of her, so I'll simply wish her Happy Birthday. 

We also stopped in Tennessee and met, for the first time, a long-time blog reader, Sally.  Sally is an older transgender woman just beginning her transition.  She is in her upper 70s and has been on hormones for a few months now.  It was a delight to meet with her.  Sally, I look forward to continuing reports and I really appreciated your meeting with my Girl and me.  And, thanks again for lunch.

Two days later, after a fun, cold, and I'm sure soon-to-be picturesque detour through the Smokies, we arrived in Spring Hill Florida to visit my mom and step-dad.  I was at once heartened and dismayed to see Mom.  I think our presence there helped lift her spirits and perhaps even her health.  Her appetitite returned temporarily.  But, it was short-lived.  We stayed through last Saturday (a week ago) and then began the journey home.

Along the way, we stopped in to see the Girl's dad, my first introduction.  He was very nice to me and seemed to accept me with no questions.  As we left, he hugged me and said: "Take good care of my little girl".  So, now I've met all of her immediate family.  I like them all, and I am pretty sure they all like me (when we got home, I had a birthday card from her mom, addressed to "My daughter Denise").

We headed home through Nashville where we stayed overnight and went to see our Detroit RedWings handily beat the number one Predators (and they beat them again the next night, taking over the number one slot in both our division and in the NHL).  It was a lot of fun as we were dressed in our Wings shirts amidst all the Predators fans.

The next morning, as we continued north, we learned that my mom had taken a serious turn for the worse.  After pulling over in the first rest stop in Kentucky we pulled out the laptop (using a Cingular Wireless card) and looked up flights back.  Basically, none of them got us in before the next morning.  So, we turned the car around and drove back to Florida, arriving at 1:30 in the morning after 14 hours in the car.

We stayed another two days, as Mom showed signs of (physical) improvement.  She has lost her will to live and would gladly accept an injection that would put her out of her pain and misery.  At this point, I think I'd personally administer it.  Why do we allow people, with terminal illnesses, to suffer like this if they don't want to keep fighting?  The last day we were there my Girl and I went to breakfast and I simply could no longer maintain.  I sobbed through breakfast, right in the middle of the restaurant. 

I have never left anything unsaid between my mother and me.  She knows how I feel and what I think (about everything!); I know the same about her.  Nevertheless, the thought of a "final" conversation with her was more than I could bear.  How can I not have her to call any longer?  She has always been the first person I turned to when I had news (good or bad) to share.  Still, I wanted to have that conversation.  I wanted, once again, to tell her how much I love her and how much I appreciate the life she's given me. I didn't get that chance this trip.  When we got to the hospital, visiting hours were nearly over, and she was surrounded by people.  I hope I get one more chance.

Two more long days in the car and we got home about midnight last night.  My sister, still in Florida, called to say that Mom is out of Intensive Care and in a regular ward.  I don't know how much more of this she can take.  I don't know how much more I can take.

What's important

A few days ago, a good friend of mine from law school (known to attentive, long-time readers as BoSox) wrote to me asking if she could nominate me for an award that the University gives to students "who have made the greatest contributions to activities designed to advance the cause of social justice".  Of course, I am flattered.  But, as I looked back on my career at the University of Michigan Law School I realized that I was very involved in activism for the first year and a half and then, quite suddenly, became uninvolved.

The reason, of course, is obvious.  I met my Girl and she became my world.  I moved 40 minutes away from Ann Arbor and it was no longer easy to attend meetings or rallies.  This certainly helped my GPA (I got all of my A grades in the second half of law school) but it did nothing to advance the cause of social justice.  Don't get me wrong; I didn't completely drop out -- I still did things that people asked me to do, like speak at the TDOR rallies, or give talks to classes and student leaders about my experience of being transgender, but I no longer participated in the planning of events.

I am not at all disappointed in my choice of priorities.  I know that people that really make a difference in the world are the ones who are single-minded and laser focused on the task at hand.  I am just not that type of person.  Sometimes, I long to be.  Sometimes, I imagine what it would be like to be a moving force in the destruction of gender stereotypes and the liberation of people to be who they really are. Sometimes, I imagine what it would be like to achieve fame (a little fortune would be nice, too) in this regard.  For example, I loved the little bit of noteriety I got from this blog; I relished it when people I didn't know would approach me in law school.

When I first began to transition, I lost my focus on what was important.  That cost me a daughter.  I realize now that it was inevitable that my marriage would end; I became a person different from who she had married (and I had very little say in that). But, losing my eldest daughter is a blow I will never recover from and I will forever blame my own self-centeredness, my focus on myself and my needs at the time.

Before that time, and since then, I know what's important to me -- my family.  My mom and Augie, my sisters, my children and my Girl.  They all mean so very much to me. They come first, middle, and last in my life.

It is from that space that I read this article.  Renee Richards is sad now.  Sad that she is alone in life.  She was a beacon for so many. She was a true pioneer who helped map out a road for us to follow. She accomplished much.  But she's lost so much more in her inability to find a fulfilling personal relationship.  Fifty years from now her name will live on and no one will remember mine.  I'm OK with that.  I wish you peace, Renee.

"You have to be a pretty strong character to have a relationship with someone who has been a man originally, and famous. I haven't had any romance in a number of years."

"It is annoying to me," said Richards. "I'm so ordinary now; they're not interested. There's lots about transsexuals now."

UPDATE: Also, check out the preface (courtesy NPR) from her new book: "No Way, Renee: The Second Half of My Notorious Life".

But I have not written No Way Renée as a justification of my life; rather, it is a look at the second half of a life that I hope no longer needs justifying. It is the story of how I thought through and reconciled my bizarre family life; how my son and I coped with my changed persona; how I gave my new incarnation an adolescence; how I restored my medical career; how I searched for understanding, stability, romance, health, and a sense of my place in a changing world. It answers the question in the minds of so many, "Was your sex change a mistake?"

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day, dear reader(s)!  I hope you have someone special to snuggle up with and enjoy the day.  I am so thankful that I do.  It's hard to believe that we are already on our 2nd V-Day and that it's even better than last year!  Love to you all! 

BTW, if you're a woman loving woman, check out this site.

In Recovery

My Girl is out of surgery and in recovery.  Everything went as expected, with no complications.  I'm biting my fingernails (trying unsuccessfully to study) as I await the opportunity to see her.

Death

I only just found out that one of my first cousins died this week, unexpectedly.  He was 4 years older than me and we haven't been close in many, many years.  Indeed, the last time I saw him was at my father's funeral -- now many years (8?) ago.  He had a troubled life.  Despite those facts, I'm saddened by this.  I'm especially sad for his mother, my aunt.  She has lost a son.  I don't think you can ever lose a child -- I don't care how old they are -- without tremendous anguish.  I wish I had some way to be out there to show my love for and share my sorrow with her and his siblings.

Dennis and I shared a middle name (and the same initials) and we shared a deep love for our grandfather.  One of my clearest memories is burying my grandfather in 1977.  Dennis and I were two of the pallbearers.  Despite knowing Dennis as the "strong, silent type", I saw him as he turned one last time to look at Grandpa's grave and softly whipser "Good-bye Grandpa".  I knew how much his heart was breaking.  Good-bye Dennis.  Rest in peace.

Happy 1st Anniversary!

One year ago, today, I married my sweetheart in a ceremony sanctioned by the laws of Canada.  It's been one of the best years of my life (and, for me, that's saying something)! 

I love you, my Girl!

Asking a favor -- for my mom

[UPDATE] I am home, now (12/26), from Florida.  Mom is still in the hospital -- and likely will be for several more days -- but is out of danger.  It seems that her body conspired with many ailments to bring her down.  She had a serious lung infection and, believe this or not, a serious infection in her big toe.  Most importantly, however, was likely the fact that the "water pills" she takes had her very dehydrated.  That last thing was what likely caused the symptoms of a stroke.  This is no fun for her.  She has slipped into diabetes and managing her blood sugar levels is a real challenge. Keeping her blood volume up (she seems to have some internal bleeding although they've been unable to locate it as yet) and at the right consistency (through the use of Coumadin) is another huge challenge and that will likely keep her hospitalized for a while longer.  She won't admit for certain, but most of us believe that her congestive heart failure and her emphysema were caused by her years of smoking (beginning in her teens and not ending until in her 60s).  My dad died, painfully, of emphysema.  Please, if you don't smoke, don't start.  If you do, stop.

Thank you all for your good wishes and positive thoughts for my mother, whom I love so dearly.  It was a privilege for me to be with her these past couple of days.  We postponed Christmas in our house until I returned (had it today) and I got to spend some time with my mom and with Augie.  I even got to give my mom her bath on both of the days I was there.  They say I was a big help to them (I cooked a Christmas dinner for Augie and me, also).  I hope I was.

****************************************************

When I got home from graduation yesterday, my darling spouse said that I had to call my mom before I could open my graduation gift -- a magnificent tan briefcase, which I desperately needed! -- because it was a gift from my entire family: parents, kids, sisters and spouse.  She wanted me to be on the phone with my mom when I opened it.

When I called however, my joy turned to sadness and fear.  My mom was admitted to the hospital at just about the same time as I was walking across the stage.  She has an infection in her lungs and they think she's suffered a stroke.

My mom told me, before I came to Michigan, that she wasn't sure she'd live to see me finish.  I made her promise that she would stick around at least long enough to see me graduate (which I knew would also allow me to be there for her 75th surprise party).  When I got that news yesterday, I was fearful that she'd kept her promise to the same damned day.

But, she's not ready to go yet -- bless her stubborn little heart.  She's been complaining lately of her inability to concentrate enough even to read.  My mother needs to read -- she needs it like I need to breathe.  So, I ask of you a favor.  Send her a good thought today, a little prayer for a full recovery where she will be able to indulge her passion for books (and, for the past three years, blogs).

Holiday Decorations - Guess the lights

My mom reminded me today that I had not posted any pictures of the newly re-decorated tree (OK, so I never put any other pictures up either, sue me).

Anyway, despite neither of us being Christians, we were both raised in Christian households and have Christmas as a tradition that we are loath to give up.  My Girl thoroughly enjoys decorating (and I have to admit that I thoroughly enjoy the house once it's decorated).  I don't have any outside pics to show, but here are some interior shots.  I may add some exterior shots later, if I am able to get any. The tree really is the worse for wear, but it still looks nice.  What's missing from these pictures are the decorated windows, the decorated dining room, the decorated bannisters, etc.  It's a fairly festive house!

Bonus -- guess how may lights on this 10 foot tree?  Hint: there are more than 400.