In the "news"

Bill Clinton having sex-change operation.  -- Unconfirmed Sources

Former Clinton adviser George Stephanopoulos praised his old boss for "doing the manly thing and getting in touch with his feminine side. Bill always said he was a lesbian trapped in a man's body, now he doesn't have to live a lie any longer."

Look what Tonya Harding is up to now.  -- Sun-Sentinel.com

So how could I pass up a chance to be around the lowest, most questionable, certifiably strangest event you'll ever -- alas, perhaps never -- see? Tonya vs. the Transvestite. It's a pseudo-boxing match scheduled for Thursday night at Beach Bums on Fort Lauderdale beach.

School Tux issue spiffs up ugly bias. -- Toledoblade.com [ed. note -- and here I wore a tux to class 2 weeks ago!]

The culprit? A terrorist who, because she hates all things American and can't stand her God-given and National Guard-protected freedom to choose to be like everyone else, decided that in her picture she'd forego the flowing drape and fake pearls that have graced the shoulders of uncounted thousands of high school coeds and, instead, have her picture taken in a tuxedo top.

"Because that's me, you know. That represents me. The drape does not," Kelli Davis explained. Fleming Island High School Principal Sam Ward recognized Kelli's decision for what it really was, an assault on life, liberty, and the pursuit of Calvin Klein.

Undaunted, he ordered her photo taken out of the yearbook and when the yearbook editor declined, the principal took his cue from democratic icons like Robert Mugabe and Vladimir Putin and canned the editor.

The dilemma of reporting on a Methuen fourth grader's gender change. -- The Salem News.

"When did you start promoting freaks," said one caller. "You're supposed to be a local paper, not a mouthpiece for the circus."