Everything I know about me says that I should not write this post. I should wait until things look better in the morning -- as they always seem to do. But, then, I've made a life out of not doing the smart thing.
Lots of bloggers write about the virtues of writing anonymously or not. I've always maintained that it doesn't matter to me -- I write about what I want to write about, regardless of if it means I have egg on my face. But, of course, everyone knows it's not true. No one writes about everything they feel, think and experience.
Things are not, shall we say, perfect for me right now. I've written before about my marriage coming to an end. We've been separated for nearly 9 months now and I've known we were going to do the whole divorce thing for over 6 months. For those past 6 months, I have also known that the Christmas break was when I was to drive back to Florida and clean out the rest of my stuff from my house and "settle up". For the first time, it won't be my house any longer and I won't be living there anymore; I'll be staying with my parents.
During the middle of the summer semester it all came to a head and to help me deal with it, I went to a therapist who recommended I do the whole prozac thing (I still have a hard time actually owning the label "depression"; despite its obvious applicability). And, I have been. And, it's done good things for me. But, of course, I still have to actually do the stuff that has to be done this break. I hate it. It makes me sad to my bones.
So, just to start this break off on the right foot, I just failed my ConLaw final. I know there are those of you out there who will dismiss that. I assure you, if I did NOT fail it, it is only because I managed to get really lucky on the multiple choice (and everyone else managed to get really unlucky). It's a real shame, too, because I really liked that class and I really paid attention in it and did the reading and thought I understood it.
My kids are spending Christmas with their maternal grandparents in Colorado. In 3 days it will be the one year anniversary of when my daughter told me that I was no longer welcome in her life.
I am incredibly depressed right now. I apologize for sharing that all out in the open here. But, it is what I do.
So, I'm going to get up in the morning, I'm going to pack my car, and I'm going to set off for Florida. I am going to spend some quality time with my mom and Augie. I will not be blogging for a while. School starts in the middle of next month. I intend to try and not think about law school, or divorce, or missing my kids. I am going to play music, loud. And, I'm going to sing. And, I'm going to put 2004 behind me. When my attitude shapes up, maybe I'll be back.
Carolyn, line up some good bars.